Sick in Maryland

After my stunning digestive pyrotechnics on the Meadowbrook, I was still not feeling very well at all. I should really learn to just stay home one extra day before venturing back into my daily routine. I always push myself a little too hard and end up sick for twice as long because I didn't take the time to heal properly. Anyway...

We spent the next two days making apple pies and fruit tarts. They were delicious and looked absolutely amazing.

I really enjoyed making the fruit tart.  I like the very meticulous and creative projects the best.  Also I just like using knives.  For some reason I really enjoy the manual labor parts of baking.  Whenever we have something annoying to do I like to ask Brooke things like "can I chop the nuts?" or "I want to grate the carrots!"  I guess I'm just weird like that.

I was still feeling really shitty but I hadn't seen Chris for a few weeks so I was determined to make it down there somehow.  I contemplated taking the bus, but trekking into the city with my bags is pretty exhausting and I tend to get sick from all the random people and germs, so I was really not feeling like adding to my sickness.  Fortunately, Casey needed to go down to Maryland to visit her Uncle and cousins, so she offered to travel with me and drive my car down so I could rest.  In return I gave her family 3/4 of my cheesecake (I let Chris eat the rest).  Chef Katie was nice enough to bake and un-mold the cheesecake that I had made before I left for Seattle so I was able to get it out of the freezer and bring it home.  I got rave reviews from K's family about the cheesecake.  Apparently it was better than Junior's bakery cheesecake, which means a lot if you're from Brooklyn!

Casey dropped me off at Chris' parents where we would be spending the weekend dog-sitting for Abby while his parents were away in Phoenix for the week.  I lent her my car for the rest of the weekend since hers had recently been totaled in that stupid car accident.  I felt like such crap that I basically moped around in sweatpants for the majority of the weekend whining about how much my throat and stomach hurt.

Andy and Becky came up for dinner and a movie Friday night.  We had some pizza and watched The Proposal, which was surprisingly amusing, and then went to bed.  They left early in the morning because Andy had to be back in D.C. for a robotics competition.  Saturday I was determined to try one of the recipes that I had missed while I was absent.  I didn't want to get too far behind so I decided to make eclairs which included three elements that I had missed that week; pate a choux, pastry cream, and ganache. 

Even though I had asked Brook and Chef Katie about the recipes, copied Brooke's notes and basically made her act the process out for me like charades, I still could not manage to get it right.  I attempted pastry cream 3 times before I decided to call it quits for the day.  I felt so terrible that I was not concentrating at all.  I called the emergency number for my doctor's office and left a message.  I really needed to know if there was anything I could take for my upset stomach because all of the drugs I had picked up at the pharmacy told me not to mix with antibiotics.  Thankfully, my doctor got back to me and wrote me a new prescription for a different antibiotic which he called into the local CVS.  At this point all I was thinking about was how long I could stay on my feet before I needed to lie down.  So instead of baking anymore we went downstairs and watched Crank.

Chris' parents got home and we went out to dinner at Red Lobster.  I had never been to a Red Lobster and honestly, now having been there once, I think I'm all set for the rest of my life.  Granted, I was ridiculously sick and weak and feverish, but the food really sucked, and the waitstaff was not that great.  On the way to dinner we realized that the local CVS that was located in Sketchville, MD had closed early.  So I had to wait another day to get new drugs.

Casey showed up at Chris' on Sunday morning after breakfast while I was completing my eclairs.  I had finally gotten the stupid pastry cream right (apparently I had it right all along but I kept thinking there was something wrong with it.  Go figure.) and was filling my eclairs.  Since K is an amazing sisterfriend, she went to the sketch CVS and picked up my drugs while I finished the eclairs (which were delicious).  I packed up my stuff and the three of us had lunch before Casey and I left for home.

More to come... Julibean <3

New Condo

Chris and I have been in search of a new home for the past few months. Until now we had really been looking too early, but planners as both of us are, we wanted to get a good idea of what kind of place, and what price range we would be looking for. We had a few main criteria for this new place:

• It should be a condo. We decided that we were too young and had too much other stuff going on to have to deal with being responsible for the upkeep and repair of a whole house, and that we were planning on staying in the same place long enough that an apartment wouldn't be cheaper.
• 2 bedrooms, and 2 bathrooms. We wanted to be able to have a guest bedroom/office. And let's face it, the 2 of us have quite a lot of crap to fit into one place.
• It should have a much shorter commute for Chris. Currently it is taking him a while to get to and from work. About 25 miles each way.
• It should be close enough to a city (either Towson or Baltimore) that would have enough opportunities for me to find a job once I'm actually looking for one.
• It had to be under $200,000 otherwise we couldn't afford the mortgage payments.
• It had to be in a safe location, or else my mother would flip out.
• We would prefer it to be on the first floor so it might be easier to have a dog, when that time comes.
• We would prefer if the patio faced the back of the building into the woods, as opposed to the front of the building overlooking the parking lot.
• We were also hoping to find something renovated, some of the older ones were quite sketchy.
  

So after quite a while of looking for places online, getting e-mail updates from our realtor, and doing a lot of math about our financial outlook, we finally found a place. Or may I say, Chris found a place. I haven't actually seen it, but it was the best one we had seen, it had an extra room a den of sorts, new granite counter tops, nicely renovated, 2 miles from Chris' office, 10 miles from Baltimore, first floor, facing the woods, in a nice building that locks, in a complex that we couldn't afford. It was seriously under-priced because the seller was foreclosing, so I told him to jump on it, and I'd see it afterward.

Apparently when you're dealing with a short sale like this, the bank that owns the seller's mortgage has to approve the price that we buy it at because they have to agree that it is enough to absolve the seller of his or her entire debt. So we put an offer and a deposit down. The seller accepted our offer, but we still have to wait on the bank. Supposively Bank of America takes their sweet ass time with these kinds of things, and the last one our realtor has done took the bank 10 months to close. We kind of need to close in 2 months to be sure that we get the first time home buyer's tax credit. So Chris is telling me not to get my hopes up, and that if it takes too long, we may have to get something else. But I'm still excited that we are one step closer to having a home together!

Julibean <3

Valentine's Day Weekend

After many last minute plans and decisions, I packed up the cake I had just decorated at my Wilton class and hit the road at around 10:30 p.m. I made it to Morgan’s in Philadelphia around 12:45 or 1 a.m. I dropped her friends and her off at the movie theater to see the Valentine’s Day movie and then curled up on her couch, read a little, and then went to sleep. In the morning we stopped for coffee, and I dropped Morgan off at her sister’s house in Baltimore. The snow there was terrible!!! The roads were covered in tall, bumpy ice. There was nowhere to put the snow, so people we’re trying in vain to dig their cars out. Some roads were just entirely closed because the plows hadn’t even reached there yet; it was just a 4 foot solid block of snow.

I got to Chris’ apartment around noon with my cake present in tow. I unlock the front door with my key and sitting on the front table is a huge bouquet of flowers! We had said no gifts!

Now is time for a little back story... Chris and I have been dating since November 2008 when we got together at a belated Halloween party. So we call it a little over two years at this point. Not once in that entire time had Chris ever bought me flowers. He would joke about it, say things like, “I almost got you some, but then I didn’t”, things like that. It became this big joke that we’ve been in love for two years and he’d never bought me flowers. During my fall semester and winter break of senior year at RPI, I had a humongous mental breakdown. Crying, hyperventilating, worrying, having panic attacks, just generally freaking out. I couldn’t figure out what was causing it, I seemed to be worrying about everything and nothing all at once and I couldn’t find a way to make it stop.

Chris was beyond perfect. He comforted me, quieted me, held me in his arms until I finally fell asleep, but something still wasn’t right. I began to think that maybe it was him; maybe our relationship is what had me so on edge. It could have been any number of things, senior year class load, LSAT prep, graduation uncertainty, trouble with roommates, a cappella group drama. Yet somehow, I blamed it on our relationship, convincing myself that once we broke it off, I would start to feel better. But he hung on, telling me countless times a day, it’s going to be alright, you don’t have to worry, I love you, and I know you love me, I’m not going anywhere. In a last ditch effort to convince me of his support, he came to my apartment with flowers. They were beautiful, a perfect symbol of his love for me, I put them in a plastic iced tea pitcher, jumped into his arms, and wrapped my legs around his waist. He was perfect.

Later the next day I think, I finally snapped. I couldn’t take what I was doing to him. Constantly pushing him away, doubting our relationship, doubting my love for him. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I let him go. I told him I needed to fix myself, and hopefully after some time, I’d figure things out and find my way back to him. But even that was too selfish. If I really cared enough about him, I had to let him go entirely. So he came back to me saying that it couldn’t be an indefinite period of time. If we were going to be apart, it had to be for real, so he could start to move on. So we were apart for two months.

It was the worst time of my life. Nothing has ever compared to the amount of emotional pain I was in. I was alone, miserable, panicking, depressed, not eating, not drinking anything, not getting out of bed, skipping classes, constantly sick, completely and irrevocably heartbroken. Nothing seemed to get better; parsing out the problems in my life was not as easy as I had hoped. I was hoping that if I removed one piece of my life at a time, I would be able to isolate the problem. I would never know that it wasn’t Chris until I removed him from my life. I walked around like a complete empty shell of my former self. Not laughing, not caring, crying nonstop all the time, I couldn’t breathe anymore, my parents were worried. I was looking for help at the counseling center, but nothing was really doing it for me, drugs they prescribed me didn’t seem to help. My friends told me not to call him, not to break down. I couldn’t stand it, I knew something wasn’t right. I didn’t want to be without him anymore and still my friends said no, don’t call him, move on.

So I went on spring break without him, not having spoken one word to Chris in over a month. I cruised around the Caribbean, unable to get him off of my mind. No matter how many sunsets I saw, or margaritas I drank, it was still terrible without him. Then one day as I was walking to the astronomy class that I often skipped, determined to actually make it there for the first time in weeks, I saw him. I was un-showered, undone, wearing dirty sweatpants, greasy hair, and a stained sweatshirt. This is what my life had come to. And there he was, tall, handsome, and perfect. Slightly unshaven, blue tee shirt, jeans, new leather jacket, sunglasses, carrying the bag I had given him for Christmas. My heart stopped. I had been searching campus for his face for weeks, hoping to catch a glimpse. Remembering his class schedule, and hoping to cross him on his usual path. And there he was. Finally standing in front of me.

We both said hi, unsure of what was going to happen. I don’t remember much of what else was said, but I hugged him and began to cry. It must have gone on for quite a while, because after some time it began to rain again and we moved the embrace into the hallway of the building I was supposed to be in class in. I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t know if we should get back together, if it would be good for either of us. I didn’t know if he had moved on, maybe he didn’t want me anymore. Eventually we decided that it was senior year, our last few months of college, it would be a huge waste if we didn’t have fun together while we still could. So we did.

And slowly the pieces of my life fell back into place. I saw him for a night here, a night there, he invited me to a BBQ, his roommates were shocked to see me there. I could smile at him, have a nice time, and breathe deeply. And soon after that we were back together again. Me remorseful, him hurt, but both of us happy and thankful. After realizing what I had given up, and how it felt to have lost it, I know now that a love like Chris’ is very hard to come by. When I was literally pushing him, and yelling, telling him to please just let me break up with him, he stood his ground. He said this isn’t you, and I know it, and I know you love me, and that we belong together. It is something I will never give up or take for granted again as long as I live. I will marry this man, and I will become his wife in exactly 676 days, and I could not be happier.

So back to the point...the giving of flowers became a teasing and somewhat pained joke in our relationship. Chris would never buy me flowers again, because the one time he did, I broke up with him. They were like this bad omen of heartbreak for us. We also have a pretty bad track record for Valentine’s Day. The first one we spent together we had only been dating a few months, and decided to keep it small. I got him an alarm clock and a framed picture of us, probably a grand total of $25. He bought me this sexy, badass leather jacket. Not exactly an equal situation. The next Valentine’s Day we were in the midst of breaking up, and he didn’t get me anything because he saw it coming. Even though I had picked out the perfect cologne for him, I ended up choosing another one, which upon further inspection was terrible, and he hated it. Which made it better for him, because Chris said if he had liked it; it would have hurt way more. Thankfully when we were back together, for Chris’ birthday in April I got Macy’s to exchange this horrible smelling one small bottle of cologne that they didn’t even carry anymore and for which I didn’t have the receipt, for an entire gift set of the one I actually wanted him to have, with cologne, after shave, some lotion or something, and a really cute duffel bag. I win!
So it was for all of these reasons, and the fact that I told him not to spend any money (after all we are paying for a wedding and a new home this year), that I would never ever expect flowers. We aren’t even using them for our wedding really, he’s allergic, and they have this terrible connotation of, if I give you flowers you’re going to break up with me. So when I walked into the apartment and saw these on the table:





I almost cried. They were beautiful, a huge arrangement, the biggest amount of flowers I’d ever gotten from anyone. I could have done without the funny pink bear, but I knew that it just came with the flowers, and he wouldn’t have picked it out otherwise. I only have one stuffed animal I really love, and that is Quatchi! We spent the rest of the day relaxing together. We went to a belated birthday dinner with his parents and grandparents (MomMom’s birthday), had Becky, Andy, and Andrew over for dinner and a movie (I fell asleep on the couch as we watched the Hangover), and hit a few of the local bars with Amy and Cynthia. All in all a very enjoyable weekend!










I had Monday off from school as well for President’s Day so I left Chris’ early, picked up Morgan again in Baltimore, and drove back to Philly. While Morgan was in class I got to catch up with my good friend Jim. We had coffee and talked for hours. I love those times with Jim. It is so easy to talk with him about everything and anything; he is definitely one of my best friends from college, like a second brother to me. We met up with Morgan again for dinner, saw my godfather for an hour or so, and then I got back on the road.

Until next time,

Julibean <3

Pastry Orientation

Wednesday was my first day of actual class at CALI. We didn't do much in the way of learning, it was more like an orientation day, even though I had gone to the technical orientation last week. My teacher is really awesome so far. She is young, loud, boisterous, funny, and extremely talented. I think she is exactly the kind of person I want to learn from; fun, tough, no nonsense, wants you to succeed and loves what she does. I can't really take my eyes of her in class, she just absolutely holds my attention, which I'm sure as any college student would know, that is not an easy task. Chef Katie is an 100% Italian single mother of a 2 year old boy and suffers from type 2 diabetes, celiac disease (intolerance to wheat), and extreme lactose intolerance. If anyone was going to be sensitive to what I want to do, bake for people like my cousin Jaclyn who have deathly allergies, she was going to be the person.

Our class hours are 8:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. every Monday through Friday from now until mid-May. That's 4 months of classes then a 2 month internship at a bakery, restaurant, catering hall, etc., for a total of 6 months. Each month is its own section. First is pastry and baking basics, then cakes, then breads, and then advanced techniques including chocolate tempering, spinning sugar, and plated desserts. The syllabus sounds amazing and delicious. I can't wait to learn how to make my own rainbow cookies, custards, mousses, eclairs, wedding cakes, baguettes, coissants, bagels, challa bread, danish, truffles, crepes, and SO much more. The first week is spent in the classroom learning about basic products, equipment, bakers math and measurements, knife skills, and kitchen sanitation. From then on we spend every day in the kitchen except for one classroom day at the beginning of each section going over the basics and the syllabus for that section.

Our first class we introduced ourselves for like 3 hours. There are about 20 people in the class, that's the largest these classes ever get, because the kitchen is already crowded. Most of the students were around my age, just out of high school or college and looking for a change or a career, some were much older looking for a new career after they were laid off from their previous job, or moms or grandmothers just looking to pursue their love of baking professionally. There are about 5 men and 15 women, all from very diverse backgrounds. Chef Katie is a huge talker, so going through just a few simple questions of; name, hometown, reason for choosing CALI, career goals, favorite food, least favorite food, allergies, "issues" with food (like I don't touch mayonaise, or I can't smell avacadoes without throwing up, etc.), and where the last place you ate out was, turned into an entire day of tangents from Chef Katie about everything from, "omg my son won't eat ice cream either!" to, "you went to Sacret Heart too?". All in all it was a really fun day. We went through our syllabus and then we got our books.

Everything at CALI is included in the tuition so that day I got a CALI chef's bag, professional baking textbook, notebook, and calculator. Before we go into the kitchen we are all equipped with chef pants, shirt, hat, shoes, and a huge yellow toolbox with everything you could ever need... knives, thermometers, pastry bags, you name it. I cannot wait to get my hands on that. She said she hands them out at the end of math day, as a reward for trying to learn conversions all day.

We are assigned a bit of reading from the textbook every class, and given some hand outs. I can't tell you how much fun it is to read about the history of wheat and basic baking appliances after you spent five months gouging your eyes out reading about contracts and civil procedure, and torts every day. What a change a month has made!

Chef Katie was trained at the French Culinary Institute and has been working in the baking industry for over 18 years. She has been teaching this particular course since it began in 2005 or something, so I have no doubt about her abilities. The class is kind of structured like this. Let's say we're making cookies one day, chocolate chip cookies. First we go over the recipe, then she demonstrates how to make the cookies, step by step, and we take notes, then we make them ourselves with a partner. This goes on and on, as we do more complicated recipes, then there is a written test and an individual practical at the end of every section. We each pick a recipe out of a hat and make it ourselves, then Chef Katie eats it and tells us what we did right or wrong and we get graded. This is the same for all sections, some of which have special projects, including menu writing, plate decoration, and wedding cake decoration. After all four sections we have a day of final practicals where we all pick a few different recipes out of a hat and make them all without notes, textbook, or instructions. We are only given an ingredients list and the ingredient ratios. All in all it sounds pretty badass to me, and I'm excited for class tomorrow.

This weekend I will be traveling to the MD to see the fiance for Valentine's Day. We're not doing anything in particular since we are trying to save as much money as possible for the condo down payment. I think we're probably just going out for sushi Saturday night for a "date", and having dinner with his parents and grandparents on Sunday afternoon. I'm bringing him a delicious cake that I'm going to be decorating at our Wilton class tomorrow night. I think he's going to love it. The way to any man's heart is through his stomach, and the way to Chris' heart is definitely through peanut butter.

The most exciting part about this weekend is that I'm going to see a few friends from college as well. My good friend Morgan was also going to do Baltimore this weekend to see her sister, so I'm going to stay at her place Friday night and then drive her down to Maryland with me. I've missed her so much since graduation and I'm really glad that I finally get to spend some time with her. Since I have Monday off I'm going to be taking her back to Philadelphia and then we're going to meet up with Jim for dinner. I love them both so much, and everyone from college/a cappella. I just wish we all got the chance to see each other more but traveling is just so damn expensive and everyone is so busy. Even though I haven't really started at CALI yet, I'm sure I'm going to be less busy than I was at law school, and that makes me insanely happy.

I hope it doesn't snow any more while I'm gone this weekend. "Snowpocalypse" has left Maryland with about 5 feet of snow over the past week or so. Chris has been having trouble getting to work, and once he does get there, everyone else has taken sick days. We're both hating on Patrick this week who gets off from work at the NSA for basically anything. Chris is really frustrated at work lately because he never has anything to do. It's really hard to prove that you are awesome and deserve a promotion/raise when your boss is always away and doesn't leave you enough stuff to do. Apparently Chris also kind of fucked up on his taxes this year and we're not getting any money back like we thought we were going to. This may cause a serious problem. If we end up not having enough for a down payment, we won't be getting a condo this year and will have to get an apartment until we can pay off more bills. Being an adult blows.


Until next time, Julibean <3

I like cupcakes

Hi! To those of you who don't know me, I'm Julie. This is my first official blog post on my first official blog! I graduated from a techie college this past May after spending three years on my Business degree, and went off to live at home for my first semester of law school on Long Island. I had always wanted to be a lawyer since I participated in mock trial in high school, but as I went through college, I began to think that it just wasn't for me, but the economy was shitty and I couldn't think of anything else to pursue so I went for it. To make a long story short... it was awful. I hated pretty much every second of it.

I moved into my older brother's old room in my house. It was much too small and cluttered and I filled it with far too large furniture. I had been depressed through my last semester of college, fueled by my anxiety about stretching myself far too thin, my LSAT preparation, and my general lack of direction, and it followed me to law school.

I didn't talk to anyone, didn't make any friends, didn't like my classes or professors, and in return received my worst GPA in my educational career. I was living 4.5 hours long distance from my boyfriend who then turned fiance that October. I hadn't been to a therapist since I had left college, hated the commute, and the parking situation was horrendous. I didn't really understand anything save from one class. Criminal law was my favorite with my favorite professor (the only professor I wouldn't have again the next semester), but other than that I basically wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep every second of every day for 5 months.

So here I am thinking, I wasn't sure I really wanted to do this in the first place. I don't want the lawyer lifestyle. I want to be a mother and a wife and spend time with my future children and husband. I always wanted to help underprivileged women and protect women's reproductive rights, and I was never going to make enough money to pay back my massive amount of student loans doing something like that. The fiance was already worried that I was going to be more stressed and more depressed with that kind of lifestyle and I couldn't help but agree.

During the last week of winter break I received my first semester grades. And it did not look good. I had gotten my first ever D and would have to take remedial classes with extra homework. That was so not going to happen. I had had it. So I withdrew. The parents didn't love it, it was a scary decision, and an expensive one at that, but I didn't want to get too much deeper before pulling the plug.

Over the past month I have been researching other graduate programs, applying for jobs, and basically sitting around. I stumbled upon a culinary school on Long Island and decided to give them a call. They had me come in that day and take a tour of the kitchens. I read the syllabus, and I was sold. I love to bake! LOVE IT. and this was my perfect opportunity to get the training I would need to pursue my lifelong dream of opening my own bakery. I had applied for a 6 month intensive professional pastry and baking arts program. Only one catch. I was wait listed.

I had applied a little too late and the class was full. I have been sitting around waiting to hear if I was accepted or not, not knowing if I should look for a full or part time job or what would happen to me in the next few weeks. In the meantime I visited the fiance in Maryland and picked out a condo that we will hopefully be making an offer on this month. I plan on moving there once I finished the pastry program and his lease was up on his apartment.

I was told to attend orientation just in case I was given a spot, I would already have been measured for my chef's attire. We met our teacher Chef Katie and received our syllabus. I could not have been more excited. The waiting was killing me. Luckily my admissions rep called today and told me I've finally been given a spot!

So here I sit, in my bed next to my sister writing up my first post. I have made a complete 180 in the past month. I'm going from law student to pastry chef and I could not be happier. Classes start on Tuesday so I have a few more days of freedom until then. Then it's off to my first week of classroom, learning about basic terms and baker's math.

This blog is going to serve as a chronicle of my time at bakery school and beyond. I'm going to face a lot of challenges in the next two years, but I really can't wait to start! I hope to succeed in the following:

1. Go to Pastry School, learn a lot, go on my internship, and enjoy myself.
2. Lose weight at the same time. This is going to be a toughie as I will be frosting things and throwing chocolate around all day every day. My anti depressant meds and general depressed/lazy stupor has caused me to gain almost 50 pounds in the past 8 months and I am not very happy about it.
3. Buy a condo with my man and move into it.
4. Plan our wedding that will be less than two years away on 1/7/2012. All we've got so far is the reception/ceremony venue booked.
5. Make some renovations on the condo and settle in.
6. Hopefully get a puppy!
7. Find a pastry job or business position that will help me pay the bills until I can find some relevant baking work and/or find investors for my business!
8. Get my sister and her man to move to Maryland. I can't really take living far from her for too long.
9. And last but not least... Marry the man of my dreams!!!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek I can't wait!

Go FUCK yourself San Diego!

I mean... Making the world better, one cookie at a time

Julibean <3